i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
