Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
