I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
