How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
