Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
