just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
