I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
