Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
