dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
