either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
