Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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