peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm at about main and main street
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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