you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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