So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
