Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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