we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Damn victory sex feels great
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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