Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
