WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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