i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
