dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
