I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
