i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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