I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I can't put those talents on a resume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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