Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
