I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
