he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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