The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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