Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize