dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
