Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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