I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
