So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
is that a dick in a sweater?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
