I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
