Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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