She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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