Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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