if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
