Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
