did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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