The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
