So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
