my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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