He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Randomize
