like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
