if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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