he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
