oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
