Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
