You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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