i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
