I need help removing her.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
