But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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