If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
