I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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