I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
