just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
