ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
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