i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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