Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Rumble strips road head = magical
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
