the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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