is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
