I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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