pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
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